The DOD promised any military non-com, who volunteered for early retirement, a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The early retirees got to choose what those two points would be.
The first participant, an Army Staff Sergeant accepted the bonus and asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He measured out at six feet tall and walked away with a bonus of $72,000.
Next to accept the bonus was a Navy Petty Officer, who was a little smarter. He asked to be measured from the tips of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked away with $96,000.
The third to take the early-out was a grizzly old Marine Gunnery Sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured, replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles, sonny!"
It was suggested by the officer administering the retirement bonus, that the Gunny might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice large payouts the previous two shorttimers had received. But, the old Gunny insisted and they decided to go along with him, provided the measurement was taken by a Navy Medical Officer.
The Navy Doc arrived and instructed the Gunny to 'drop 'em', which the Gunny did.
The Doc placed a tape measure at the tip of the Gunny's weenie and began to work back.
"Dear Lord!", the Navy Doc cried, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Gunny smiled and calmly replied, "Afghanistan."
I love this country!
It's the government that scares hell outta me!